"Birth Story"-A letter to Max from our Doula

The Birth of Baby Boy Max Benjamin

I first met Rachel and Scott when they interviewed me for the position of birth doula during the labor and birth of their first child. I enjoyed the interview and I felt we were a good match. Thank goodness, so did Scott & Rachel as they hired me and decided to attend my classes in Birthing From Within as well. I was thrilled to be hired for this position. We talked about their ideas of birth. They decided to change from their doctor to midwives at Lankenau Hospital, Ronnie Rothman and Julianna Thompson, to better suit their ideas. We had a fun time in class and they seemed to bond with the other couples in it. They seemed well prepared for labor and birth from research and discussions in class and with their midwives. Each of them had their own questions and concerns about the labor. Since this birth would hopefully be a natural one, there were many more things to think about and prepare for during our doula class. We communicated often to make a birth wish list and to discuss details of their wishes.
On December 19th, 2006, Rachel called to tell me that things were happening at the the stronghold. Rachel was having contractions that had started a little bit after an exam in the office by Ronnie. Ronnie had swept the amniotic membranes to stimulate more effacement as Rachel was a little over due and she did not want to be induced. Then she had gone for an acupuncture treatment and the contractions started in earnest after that. By the time she had arrived at home, she needed to call me and tell me what was going on. That was about 5:00 PM. We talked for awhile and during that time, these seemed to get stronger. The instructions were to eat and then take a shower and see how things went with the contractions. Both of these almost parents seemed so excited and a little nervous but certainly not frightened at all.
We talked again about 8:00 PM and I asked if they would like me to come to the apartment. I arrived at their apartment at 9:00 PM. Rachel was having contractions that were strong and close together, lasting 50 to 80 seconds and coming every 2 to 3 minutes. Rachel was working through them with breathing and movement. She was on the bed when I arrived. Scott was busy helping her with great support and encouragement. Music was playing and the house was calm with lighting subdued, perfect for labor. I felt that we would leave soon. When I asked Rachel if she wanted to leave for the hospital, she was in strong agreement. Scott was a work-horse getting all the things taken care of. His mom arrived to take care of the doggies. He loaded the car with all the things for labor and afterward. He got drinks ready to take and plastic on the car seat with a towel in case the amniotic sac ruptured on the way in the car. Rachel expressed a fear of the long ride to Lankenau. They called Ronnie. She was there and would meet them upon arrival.
They remained calm and trusting. It was interesting getting Rachel dressed for the trip as she had contractions very often. She looked strong and calm and centered. She was using breath awareness and relaxation and seemed very focused. As the mood calmed down a bit, Rachel looked “endorphic” with pink cheeks and calm. We decided to go to the hospital and left at 9:25 PM driving in tandem. Contraction were about 1 to 2 minutes in frequency and lasting 70 to 90 seconds at this time.
We arrived at Lankenau Hospital at 10:00 PM. Scott parked the cars while I went to Labor and Delivery with Rachel. She was admitted to room #3. Ronnie was waiting. Our nurse was Kelly. Soon after arrival, Dale, Rachel’s mother, came to join Rachel. Rachel was examined for 7 cm (stretched to 8 cm) and was 100% effaced, with a bulging bag of water. WOW! We were all thrilled. I was so very proud of Rachel for being the BIRTH WARRIOR that she was proving to be. There was monitoring and questions and getting settled into the room. Rachel got into the shower right after all of this was over and stayed only for a short time. Then she took on the contractions in all different positions. She sat on the toilet and on her hands and knees on the floor. She sat on the ball but not for long as she was feeling the urge to push very soon, at about 11:00 PM.
Much of the pushing took place on the toilet. Rachel had considerable back pressure and we were putting pressure there near her sacrum to relieve it. Ronnie sat on the floor in front of the toilet to watch and guide. Scott and I took turns with the pressure and it seemed to help a bit. Dale was making sure that Rachel had water or Gatorade to drink between contractions. We used heat from a rice sac on her back and the “buns” squeeze to relieve the pressure and pain of the sacrum. Scott put music on and all was well…. But the activity was in high gear.
Rachel moved to the bed and got onto her hands and knees over the bed. Scott got up behind the bed and held the Robozo to help her with a good downward thrust with her pushing effort, which was just wonderful. The crown of the head was emerging slowly and stretching the perineum slowly. Scott was wiping brow and giving drink, with the help of Dale. Ronnie used oil to smooth the way for baby. The baby came right down. Ronnie helped Dale guide the baby’s head out and Scott managed to peak as well.
Then at the glorious time of 12:24 AM on December 20, 2006 (Wednesday), Master Max Benjamin was born. It was a wonderful birth! Pushing took 84 minutes only. Rachel had no tears and did an excellent job of slowly controlling the birth of little Prince. He presented with his right hand next to his face and even with that, there were no tears. I was very impressed! He had curly brown hair and long fingers and toes. He presented mommy with a meconium stool immediately after birth. He had Apgar scores of 8 and 9, excellent! He weighed 6 pounds and 15 ounces and was beautiful, active and very alert. Rachel put him skin on skin. He latched right on with very little assistance and did very well at the breast.
Rachel looked awfully happy and Scott was spell bound as he held his new little son. I was very proud of these two wonderful new parents and I am thrilled that I was the doula they chose to be with them for this mystical and life changing experience. Rachel birthed with flair and confidence and not ANYTHING for pain except a wonderful loving husband who nurtured her the whole way. Her midwifer was by her side and she had a doula to do some cheerleading. What a Birth Warrior! I think that Scott was stunned by the experience and was amazed at Rachel. I was so proud of them both!
What a wonderful day this has been. Thank you for such a beautiful memory with a wonderful family and for allowing me to be a part of it. You are a fabulous couple and I loved being with you.


With Doula Love,

Baby has arrived!

Birth story to follow..

Max was born December 20th ay 12:24 am. He was 6 pound 15 ounces and 20 inches long. I did an all nayural birth, which lasted 6 1/2 hours. I was lucky.ıreat feeding is great. He has gained 1 pound already and grew 1 inch since birth. I love this kid more than anything in the world.

Nesting & Cleaning

I wish I could figure out how to get this nesting feeling all of the time. Yes, my house is generally very clean but this nesting quality brings out the best in me-cleaning with detail.

At this point, all of our family is waiting by the phone and our neighbors have even asked. Luckily, I am chill and I am not sure why. I am just letting go. I am just enjoying these last moments. I am sad to say that Dory will not be here for the birth or the briss but she and her hubby are in Paris for 10 glorious days. She is with me in spirit and I can hear her voice in my heart.

I will keep you posted!

Mucous Plug

I lost the mucous plug this morning at 7:30 am and so now it is just a matter of time. I have no preconceptions of when that will be because only the baby knows when he wants to come into this world. But I thought it was ironic that I lost it on my official Due Date. So all in all I am just letting go of any dates in my head and just relaxing.

Happy Hanukkah and did not think I could get anymore tired..

Things are not horrible but man am I tired. I feel like he has no room. My ribs are getting pushed up into my arm pits and it does not feel good. It is the first night of Hanukkah and I am so happy we are doing take out Chinese food like a a good Jewish family would. Well I know I have 3 days till my due date but I also know that most first time mother's are late so I am not getting my hopes up. But I am feeling so stuffed in the head and almost like I have the flu but I know I am not sick. This boy is taking a lot of energy from me but there is nobody in the world who i would rather give it to.

I have to get the table ready for my family but I wanted to just say hello this evening.

Midwife Update at 39 weeks pregnant

Today was our appointment with the midwife and all is good. He is just relaxing and enjoying the warmth of the belly. We talked about being overdue and what that means. We talked about stripping the membranes and induction. Basically this kid, otherwise known as sharky in this family, has till December 30th to arrive on his own will. We disciussed that we would induce before the year's end since his 2 week overdue date is January 1st and sometimes there are not many doctors in the hospital on that day.

As of right now, I have fully surrendered to the fact that he will come in his time and not mine. I think this is an amazing lesson for me and I am proud of myself to getting to this point. It is starting to get uncomfortable in there because some part of his body is stabbing into my right rib, the constant headache, and the complete lack of energy but this is part of it. I have been told that I do not feel crappy enough for birth yet but again, if I did not go to accupuncture every week, I would have felt crappy this whole time. Needless to say, I am doing ok. I have relaxed a lot since I am not officially working right now and so I am just enjoying this time with doggies and my husband.

It is strange to not have any idea when this baby is coming. I almost feel like I am waiting for a surprise party. It is kind of cool.

so tired..

It has been tough to blog let alone use my mind in any way. I finally told work that I had to take a step back because my brain was not working. I thought I could work until the moment he decided to arrive. Well I was wrong and I am glad because I needed to just chill out. I got a manicure and pedicure and a massage today. Wow that was great. I still have some work to do but I will take care of it this weekend and then be totally caught up.

As for me, he dropped a little more today. I am 38 weeks and 4 days. I have not been able to wear my rings for a whole week now. I have a big zit on my face that appeared the other day. Og the joys of anxiety and hormones. I am so tired, I keep wondering how a woman gets the energy for labor but I hear we do so I won't worry. I feel like going back to sleep when I wake up..that is the constant feeling. But all because this little guy needs his strength to come out so he can take whatever he needs from me. I am not sleeping to well.

On a good note, I have all of our Hanukkah cards and holiday cards written and they are ready to go.

My belly is huge (eventhough woman think I am 7 months pregnant). Well I will try and keep you posted.

37 1/2 weeks Pregnant Belly Pic

Counting down...

I am trying not to get restless but not feeling too great these days. I have had the most amazing and easy pregnancy but these last two weeks have been tough and especially this last week. I am tired and ready to send eviction notices out. Update on how I feel. He is moving around a lot and I feel him at all hours of the day and night. I pee every hour duing the night and at least a few times an hour during the day. (Maybe too much information). I can feel this kid hiccup duign the night. I also feel like he is scratching his way out. This stuff is so funny that I have to write it down just so I can remember it. I feel like i am back in the 1st trimester with the smells, the food cravings, the nausea and the irritability.

But all in all I have been very fortunate. Who would have thought we would get pregnant on our honeymoon. I am blessed. 2 years ago yesterday I met my husband and his biz partners at a building I was welling in Old City, Philadelphia. I will never forget what he looked light that day because I was actually weak in the knees. It had been a long time since I looked at a guy and was WOWED! 6 months later we were engaged, 10 months later we were married, 2 days later we were pregnant and in 2 weeks we will be parents. Yes, we are both fire signs. LOL.

So there it is..an update.

Update for the record.

BH are getting stronger and more consistent. I am taking Evening Primrose 3 times a day to help soften things up down there. I take rasberry leaf tea as well 2 times a day. Yesterday was bad. My back has started to hurt. Went to chiro and he said that it is just what is supposed to happen. Don't you hate when people say that? Then BH all day and getting stronger. Slight chills even. Came home.took a bath and a shower and the heat helped. Stretched and went to sleep. The baby has dropped even a little more. We are off to the midwife today and then I can really give an update. Lots of cramping too. I know these contractions would be considered fun compared to the real deal but I want to document this stuff for me.

A chic in my birth class got induced last night. Thank God we fired our OB because we had the same one as she did. He got worried that she was carrying small and so he wanted to induce her. Geez. I wonder if he had a golf game to attend today or tomorrow. Ok, now I am being a smart ass but it kills me how the health care system works. This girl got all upset and then went back for another ultrasound and another doctor told her not to worry but she already had it in her head that she was getting induced. So there it is because now she is having this baby. Maybe the baby needed a few more days to be strong but we will never know. In other cases, where induction is needed for the health of the baby, I understand but in this case it was not. Again this is just my opinion.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and love to my family. 3 1/2 weeks till the due date and we are all excited. Good news also: my sister in law is having a girl! yes, she is prego and she will be having a lil girl for this boy to play with April 11th. This family is full of joy. Congrats to them as well.

:)

36 weeks Pregnant Belly/My Family Pic

Here it is!

Now here is my family.

HE DID IT AGAIN!

So Scott finished the Philly Marathon and I am so happy for him. It is the 2nd time in 2 weeks that I get to see his commitment to his own life and his own health. I am honored to have such a guy as a best friend, lover and husband. Scott did not finish the race as fast as he had hoped and I asked him about it..He just said. "Rachel, I do not run for time. I run because I love it". Wow that amazes me and it is a quality in him that I admire to be like. He just does it because he loves it and it makes him feel good..not for the race but just to know that he did it and for the love of running. I guess all in all..life is not a competition.

The remainder of the day was spent with my ma in law helping me clean out my closet. I wish I had a before and after picture but I do not. Well let's just say she is the best ma in law and I am grateful. The little one will be a lucky man because his grandma is the best.

As for me, I am getting bigger and impatient. I am not DONE so to speak but I am getting to the point where eviction notices will go out..oh just kidding. I am one to talk..I have had the best pregnancy and I am still sleeping so I should not complain one bit. The baby is moving around a lot. I would to if someone stuck me in a closet that continued to get smaller with time. So everything is ready and my postpartum bag is packed along with my labor bag of goodies and comfy clothes. I am 36 weeks and I tell him everyday..you at least should cook for another week and become a SAG Man but after that..the doors are open.. LOL

Midwife update

Yes little one..you are moving around a lot. I have had Braxton Hicks contractions for a week but in the past 3 days they are more consistent. The midwife told me that it could mean nothing or something..LOL..I love her because she is like me : a crazy Jew. The good thing is that she said, in her experience, women who have tons of strong braxton hicks contractions tend to have shorter labors.... Well we will have to see about his one. So Scott met her for the first time and he said, "she is perfect and so confident".

It is official: The baby has dropped and he is in the correct position. What a good kid: he has been head down for over a month.

I do not have any worries about the birth because my TEAM is so wonderful. Well my BP is barely alive at 80/40 but she said that is normal because my BP will drop to give the baby more oxygen. Amazing huh? I will see her in 2 weeks and then go to once a week. We talked about the birth and what to do if it does start to happen. The bags are 70% packed and Scott has been doing odds and ends around the house getting ready in his own way. Well less than 5 weeks till the DUE DATE and I am getting so excited it is hard to just stay in the moment. Soon there will be a baby in my arms!

Slacker!

Ok I am a blogger slacker. I promised a picture of the 34 week belly and so here it is..a week late..


As for all other things in this house..I out of nowhere have tons of energy and WANT to re-organize and change the house plus throw out tons of stuff. What is so ironic is that I have NEVER thrown anything away. I still have sneakers from 6th grade but at last I am throwing it out and being happy about it. I am taking such pleasure in seeing things go in the garbage can or sent off to storage. So my mom in law says it is nesting and whatever it is. it makes my husband laugh. He was dying when he found me on the floor in the kitchen with anti bacterial wipes and I had pulled out every pot and pan and was thowing stuff away..not the pots and pans but all the other junk.

This kid is moving around a lot and I am started to feel Braxton Hicks contractions at night and even during the day. They are stange and I cannot imagine what it is going to be like when they are a minute apart and painful but I keep saying this to myself everyday..BRING IT ON!!

After watching my hubby run the NY Marathon, I felt blessed. He said that he hit a wall at 10 miles and the remainder of the run was the most difficult because it was soley a mental game. He finished and said he would never do that again, and then 2 hours later he said he could not wait until he ran the NYC marathon for the 2nd time. He is an inspiration to me because he helped me to see that sometimes the most painful things in life bring the most amazing experiences. I am going to wear the Lance bracelet he wore for the marathon during the labor because it will remind me of the marathon I am going to run.

As for more baby stuff, the shades are hung, the walls are painted and my mother in law is ready to do everything else. Yes, we are jewish and what that means..well we do not set up the nursery or get ready for the baby in the house. So she has all his stuff in her house and that day..she will bring everything here and get it ready.

As for my tummy, HE HAS DROPPED! I can now eat a whole meal. Yeah!

So I just turned 35 weeks today and we are off to our midwife tomorrow am!

Here is a picture of Scott on the ride home after the marathon. The blue things are ice packs that he kept on his legs for the whole trip.

Prenantal Ypga

So here are my thoughts on this class. I would rather work out doing circut training for 10 hours than do yoga. Now I can say that I probably do not like the fact that it is a class led by a person because I have always enjoyed doing sports that were on a team but alone type of sports such as running, swimming and lifting weights. I also know that I do not enjoy being in a class with tons of people and that I would enjoy a one on one yoga class. Not to mention that I got hurt..I know you may be saying..got hurt?? in yoga??/ but yes, I did..a neck injury but I know these stretches are good for me. So with that I am going to go to a class when I want but do the DVD (thank god for the DVD) at least once a week. So I will just do my best.

32 weeks Pregnant Picture

Ok. So I am a week late. LOL

Better

So I think not only was I hormonal but I was also getting sick. Last week I had to work next to this guy for 2 days that was sick but of course, he never told me that he was ill. I am doing better and the good cry the other morning really helped. I feel normal again. Just wanted to let everyone know that I have not moved away.

Also, it seems that my stomach has popped because last week I was not this big. I am sure there are many levels of popping during the 8th and 9th month. But the lil man is sure growing.

I will follow soon with a pic.

blah, blah pregnancy hormones

Well I need to blog since it has been a couple of days. I have not really slept in about 4 days. I pee at least 10 times before I go to sleep and then at least 3 or 4 during the night. I am only 8 months along..could this get any worse? I feel annoying these days. I am usualy really independent but lately I have been so needy. But I am not needy in the way of..hey, thanks..I am needy in this way..Oh ok (really thinking that my hubby did not do it right)..yeah that way and that way is no fun for anyone. I feel almost like the 1st trimester when I just wanted to run away and live on a boat in the BVI with a little baby boy. Yeah that is healthy. I have no patience, no tolerance and no energy. I feel alone yet I do not really want anyone around me. My brain is not working and it is tough for me to get enough energy to make it through the day. I feel tears behind my eyes and anger in my shoulders. It frustrates me to not be able to take care of the things I need to. I am just so tired. At this point, I would settle for a hotel in Philly..LOL..it all just seems too much. making a phone call is hard let alone talking while I am on the phone.

So poor me..bottom line is that I do not handle feeling crappy to well. I also hate to be needy and ask for help and these days I know I am not that fun to live with. I am not a bitch but I do like things a certain way.

Anything is tough when I am tired and I know it will only get worse. I just feel so sad even though I feel so excited inside.
Hormones..they are the enemy but they are also my friends because they are keeping this beautiful baby growing insde of me with everything he needs.

What a paradox.

I am not feeling sorry for myself.. I am just feeling blah.

Until next time.

Exactly 60 days till the Due Date

Oh Boy! Only 60 days till peanuts Due date. It is so exciting. I have all the baby clothing taken care of. Between Old Navy (thanks for the suggestion ma in law) and the Gap..let's say we are doing good. I felt so good about myself for not going to a boutique for the clothing, especially because we are fronting the check. This whole experience has really strengethened my relationship with my hubby. Birth class was a blessing because it forced us to acknowledge some real issues about birth and parenthood.

As for me these days...I am starting to get tired and so I need to just not run myself so fast. Although I had a few hours where I was totally inspired and then it left..lol..moody, tired, impatient can be the mode of operation if I just don't get enough sleep but luckily it has not been too bad. Well I am off to Yoga tonight, a 8 series class that I signed up for with other new mommies to be. It will be fun and good for me since I do not like sitting still..ALL GOOD PRACTICE.

Oh he just kicked to say hello and tell you all that he will be here soon enough.

XO

TV time

Ok so our TV cable was busted for a week and thank God because we both got in touch with how much we veg in front of the TV. I actually feel like Scott and I are dating again. Last night, our pugs played with Scott and I on the floor (well I do not do much rolling around), we lit a fire and all just laughed (yes my pugs can understand english and they did laugh too). We also played Stan'sfavorite game -Fetch and so he was really happy too. Esther did her usual, observed and looked pretty. I never realized how sucked in I was to shitty TV and how we were mpt talking because of it. Yes we do have a great relationship but when we are connecting it is magical. I feel like I am dating and we are 15 years old and Yes, I actually can have these feelings at 31 weeks pregnant.

This brings me to my next conclusion-I am pretty damn lucky and yes, I worked my ass off to get here. I cleared out my baggage and put it in storage and then found out how to love myself and then found my husband. I met Scott the day he moved back to Philly and was with his partners at one of the buildings I was selling. I saw him, smelled him, talked to him and the rest was history. Over the next three weeks we talked about the deal and how his partners could not step up to the plate but we also just chatted about life. We went on our first date and we talked about everything and nothing. I had never felt so calm around a guy (I figured he had to have something real screwed up in his life but he didn't) and felt so at peace. Then we were engaged 5 1/2 months later, pregnant on the honeymoon and here we are..us and two pugs with one baby ready to come in 2 months. Now that is the Aries in me and the Leo in him. When it is right, never wait.

Letting go...

It has taken me years to be able to say these words without feeling sick. I have learned to let go of many things during these 31 years. Getting pregnant and carrying this baby inside of me has taught me more about myself than any book, retreat or therapy could have ever explained. There was a time-in the beginning of pregnancy-where I wondered how I would make it a whole 9 months because I am so impatient but I have just learned to let go and trust. I never thought I would say that word either and believe it but today I can say it and mean it. I am so lucky for those women in my life who have done this and not just because they tell me what to buy and what not to buy but they teach me how to be a better woman, mother and wife. Scott and I have become so much closer during this experience. My dogs are even closer to me. I have learned how to let people in.

I was just saying to my mom in law that I feel good about everything. I am not worried about the baby's room, even considering that I am Jewish and WE DO NOT set ANYTHING up in the room until the BABY ARRIVES. But I know she will do a great job getting everything together for when WE (3) come home. Trust.

I also have let go a number of resentments that have lingered for even years because getting pregnant has taught me that those feelings in my life do not have room anymore. Now it does not mean I did not get upset but I have learned to let go faster. It is amazing that this little one inside of me has such a presence in my life already. I love him so much already. I am blessed.

And a thanks to my mom in law for painting the baby's room!

XO

Baby Clothing Update

Just talked to Stacy. Here is the deal. I am going to go to Gap for most of the clothes and then do fill ins at Karls for the special stuff. This feels much better. So there is a solution and thank God for girlfriends who have babies.

XO

Baby Clothing

Ok who does not get crazy figuring out all of the things that the baby needs. I know-the basics. Plus since I am jewish, and typically us girls do not have baby showers, well then everyone gives clothes. So I am not going to buy these fancy little outfits but I do need the basics.

Babys R Us-I could not find any really soft clothing at the store. I am not a snob. I will buy at Target, again it is not the name but the softness that sells me. So I thought I could do this the less expensive way but I do not see how this is possible.

So it Karls again. I went in today and made an appointment with the lady, who of course, showed me a nighty hat was $50. Oh boy this will be a long road. LOL.

I am going to check in with my best girl Stacy and see what she bought at Karls and how much she spent etc.

All is good in the house and in life. The doggies are behaving like good little pugs and Scott and I are getting along great. He is such a wonderful guy but more than that, he is my best friend. He is one of the least selfish people I know. He has taught me so much and I look forward to learning more as we enter new stages in our life.

29 weeks belly

29 weeks

I know I have been really lazy about my blogging. I have been so busy and so tired. The craziest part of this experience has been that everyday is different.

75 days till the baby comes. This week I am picking out the paint for the baby's room and then my hubby and mom in law (Wendy) will paint the room the following week. I do love fall because it it so nice to have the windows open and the fresh air pouring in.

Birth class has been great-well for one of us. My hubby has a tough time with blood and so birth class has not been the easiest for him. Scott has a tough time when I cut my leg shaving but the crazy part is that I know he will be fine that day. He has never let me down when I have needed him and that day it will not be a video but it will be his wife and his son. So I have faith. And we only have three more classes left. LOL.

All is good. The doggies know that my tummy is getting bigger and I tell them everyday that the baby is coming soon. I know they will be great with the baby.

Well that is all for today.

I will try and blog more.

28 weeks

So my hubby woke up this am and said, OH MY GOD, THE BABY WILL BE HERE IN 12 WEEKS". 3 months sounds verey different than 12 weeks. 12 weeks seems liek nothing and it will go by so fast. I am not the best in handling change or new territory-it is not the actual change but it is the leading up to the change that gets me. My hubby is the opposite because he does better in the leading up to change part. We make a good macth for this reason. But at the end of the day, everything that we have ever done together as a team has worked out great because we are a team. In the past few weeks, we have had a lot of taks about repsonsibilities changing and who will do what etc. My job is to keep the boob accessible to the baby. Scott will do everything else..lol..kidding, for the first 2 weeks I think it may be that wasy but then we will both fall into parenting pretty fast. We have a great support system. I just wanted to check in and say hello. I am off to meetings for the day but I was feeling bad that I had not blogged for a few days.

XO

catching up..

Wow it has been so long. I always hate when bloggers, who I love reading thier blogs, stop blogging what is happening. So here is the deal. I thought September was going to be the time that I slowed down at work but actually that is not happening. You all know that I stopped working on one of our construction sites, luxury condominiums that we are developing, and now I am up at corporate about two or three days a week in meetings for part of the day. There is a part of me who loves it-being in commercial real estate around a bunch of men who all cut each other off, and there is another part of me that is sooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I do well with these types of men and I almost feel like it gives me the chance to say my point even louder (Thank you to the corporate commercial boiler room that I used to work in and that really helped me to develop these skills.) So it is a catch 22. Bottomn line I am grateful for a few reasons.

1. I started thinking too much about the baby and reading books and so on.
2. I started feeling like my only biz partners were my dogs, Stan and Esther, and my un born son who was vice president of the company.
3. I started thinking about things that are none of my business.

So with all of these..let's just say that life is better this way. It is hard not to have fear about the baby coming and because men and women think so differently, well let's just say my hubby (my best friend and partner) and I do not get the same anxieties. Most Men are linear and with that..they do flight or flight in the momment, while most women (ME) do flight or flight when our head is thinking of any momment of time in my HEAD. And with hormones (yes, I give props to all women who have gobe through pregnancy or menopause), well let's just say that it is a whole different level.

Well holidays are coming up and they have always been hard for me.

1. My dad is a rabbi and was at one time in my life but is not anymore so Jewish holidays can be tough.
Then there is alwaysn an X factor that can make them even more stressful.

But I am trying to just show up for my family and my in laws as Rachel and not preforming Rachel so that I can enjoy these blessings. I think it is also hard when we mesh families. I am very lucky for my in laws but I get my nutty family and "getting" another family can be tough.

So what is happening with the pregnancy. We started birthing class and it is going well. Scott saw a video of a birth (thank God) I am not going to be the first. And he did not die. I have tons of indigestion and I sm started to feel hot all of the time. But life is good. I have realized that you can read books, talk to people, surf the NET, but every birth is different and every baby is different. It is almost like when you get older and oneday, you realize that actually life is about admitting that you just don't know.

Love you lil one.

Midwife

I spoke last night to a midwife I am going to interview, Ronnie Rothman (another )crazy jew like me). It was a very different experience than the MD. She and I spoke for over 10 minutes, while she was driving back to the hospital after being up all night. She works with one other midwife, Julianna, and so if I go into labor and Ronnie is in another room, Julianna will start and Ronnie will finish. They also have a doctor on thier team who works at the hospital 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. He lives 5 minutes away from the hospital and is called if there is any emergency, just like our MD wold be called if I went into labor etc. The nicest part is they do not work on timelines. I do not want and epidural or pitocin and so that is very important to me. It was also great to speak to a woman about birth and not be rushed, which is what I feel with the MD. I want this little one to come out to the world in a natural and peaceful surrounding with a team full of spirited women and my hubby. The amazing part is that my husband supports me in any decision I make about the birth but as I have said before, he feels very strongly about being in a hospital and I agree.

So I am meeting her on Thursday and we are taking the tour of the hospital. The other part that is very cool-the midwifes have the option of using the jacuzzi's and so I am really excited too.

About the little one, he is moving around a lot and sitting on my bladder at least 4 times a week. I have started to relax again about this pregnancy. I spent the day with my mom doing regsitry and looking at layette clothes and now I feel better. I don't know what I would do without my relationship with my mom. I also think about these couples who do not share thier lives with each other. They alsmos live of life of marriage but separate but that is not my life. My husband is my best friend and I am excited to start with journey with him. Although last nigth he told me that he may faint in the delivery room-thank God for the spirited women. LOL.

25 week belly shot

Blame it on the rain!

A little about my family: my hubby, my two dogs and the little baby inside of me all sleep non-stop when it rains. I know the baby moves around a lot but when it is raining, this baby is just like his dad. The minute is stopped raining, he was back in the ring and ready for a good fight. Slam! Pow! Punch! Kick! He has also decided to sit on my bladder more this week, not everyday, but a lot. I knwo this is happening when I have to pee 5 times in a 40 minute period but then the next day it is fine.

My girlfriend, Stacy, has a baby-sitter that just gave birth and we weant to the hospital to see the little one. He was so little and it was so exciting to see him. Of course, nerve racking because the next time I will go to the maternity ward will be for this little one inside of me. It furthered my thinking about the midwife and MD thing. If I were not planning on going natural, I do not think I would give a shit. I would go with the MD since I would be given an epidural and not even think twice about labroring in different positions. This is not the case. There has been so muany studies about giving drugs during birth. I am not talking about an epidural for an hour or two, I mean the women who get it once they are 2 cm dialated. For me I do not want to drug the baby before he enters the world, if I can avoid it. Both my girls, Stacy and Brandi opted for the epidural for the last 30 minutes to relax the uterus enough to get the baby out. Again, there is no judgement, this is my choice only. And yes, I am scared about the pain but that is why I have my hubby, my mom, my doula, and Dory (what an amazing team)!


So bottom line: My hubby, who is an amazing man, supports any decision I make. He has only one wish, that we do it in the hospital and I agree.

It is great to be supported by my husband and my family. I do not know where I would be without them.

Tired, moody is one topic and midwife or MD is the other

OK. I am only 25 weeks and I am not getting how I can be this tired already but I am. I have never been a person that naps but in the past month, I am a napper. I just go to sleep for 20 minutes and then I am good to go. I feel like a doctor with my 20 minute cat naps. So last night we addded to the baby's room with the purchase of a rocking chair. I love it and it will look so good in his room.

Today's thoughts: Do I switch to a midwife from my MD? The closer I get the more I am thinking about the whole birth process. It is not that I do not want to be with an MD but the thought of him being on call and another doctor there or the thought of fighting him not being there except when it is time for the baby to come out..well I may want more. I want what is best fro the baby but I also want what is best for me, meaning that I want a lot of support.

As it stands TODAY, I want my hubby, my mom, Dory and of course, my doula, Ellen. That is my team and my crew. I could not imagine not doing this without the love and support of my mom. She is my best buddy and I love her support and wisdom. My hubby..well I would not have married him if he were not the kindest and warmest man out there. Dory, she is my spiritual sister and she is the baby's god mother. Ellen, well she is the certified nurse/doula and the PRO.

On another note, Scott is going with me next week to my apt with the MD and he is going to ask some questions such as:

1. Can I give birth in any position I would like (of course, not fighting gravity is a good choice)?

2. How often does he do C section?

3. How often does he induce labor?

Thank GOD for my hubby because I do not have an easy time asking tough questions.

So yes, all this baby buying stuff is great but let's talk about the real deal: GIVING BIRTH!!

PS. This is a thank you to my best girlfriend Stacy who always make me feel great, even when I don't want to.

XO

PPS. Baby is sleeping a lot today. He was up for a solid three days punching and talking and having fun..so now it is time to rest. WE love you!

Baby is a fighter!

" Ok little one I feel you." This is a common theme in my mind. Sometimes I even say it out loud but everyday, am and pm, I feel this little guy punching, pushing, stretching and kicking. Sometimes I play back with him to see if he will punch back and yes, at times he does. This started last week, in my 23 rd week, when I could feel not just s tickle or a flutter but a jab to my stomach. It is funny and at times, when I am talking to anyone and he does it, I have to hold my laughter in. I also think that he has an opinion about everything (just like his mom and dad) so he jabs when he wants to make his point or when he gets excited.

So baby talk is now a common theme as well. Be fore the 5th month, it still seems so far away and so it is hard to imagine life with the baby. BUt now it is time to start thinking about the thing we need when the baby comes.

I started watching the baby story, http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/babystory/babystory.html, just so I could see a number of different births and get used to the idea that I will be doign that soon. Honestly, it has made it easier. We have a rowing machine in our house and so I watch two episodes of the baby story (always cry when the baby is born) while rowing and then I feel great.

Daddy felt you kick...

My tribute to my son:

Your daddy felt you kick last night and was amazed at how hard you punch. I on the other hand feel this everyday and know that you are a slugger just like your parents. With your mom and dad both having non stop energy, I would only assume that you are the same.

So today Daddy and I picked out your baby furniture and of course, it looks like mommy and daddy's bed, which you already sleep in every night, so we thought you would like it. Last week I went to Baby R Us and it was not as cheap as I thought. So here we bought a 3 stage crib that will last you your whole life..until college. http://www.karlsbaby.com/babyfurniture/morigeau.html

I love your bedding and the cherry red crib and chest of drawers. I really thought I would just go and find bedding anywhere but when I saw this and felt it..well it was yours.

Daddy is most excited about your stroller, http://www.bugaboo.us/, and cannot wait to push you all around Philly. Daddy was also worried that you would be cold so he ordered you a special bugaboo sleeping bag for your stroller.

So there it is and we are getting very excited to meet you and bring you home. Everyone wants to meet you especially Stan & Esther, your pug doggies.

We love you!

Doulas

Exciting, yes we have hired a doula and I am, not sure who is happier..me or my husband. Anyway she is just the sweetest woman but I can see that part of her that can be really aggressive if a doctor really pisses her off. She is a little maternal like granmother who you would think lives in a little cottage in England. She has been doing this forever and was reccomended by two people I admire. I hear there can be really bad doulas out there just like really bad dentists, lawyers, doctors etc. So she will be there for the whole labor and delivery, well she even comes to the house when it starts. I could not ask for anything more. It is nice ebcause then my hubby can enjoy this experience instead of having to be my only support. It is an amazing concept and it has been around forever. We are also taking childbirth classes with her, Birthing from Within, http://www.birthingfromwithin.com/.

I am excited because I think this style is kind of who I am. It is a class that helps the mother to go deep within and find that spirit inside of her to keep going. It is about reshaping our ideas and beliefs around birth. I am also excited.

I have been moving fast again and feeling anxious. Scott said just slow down..where are you trying to go? I had to think about that..where am I trying to go? I think I am just scared for all of this new change and yet totally ready for this little boy to come out and say hello. I just need to let go and chill.

:)

Baby Vaccines

There is so much to read and so many different opinions. The truth is: yes, do I think our vaccines are not the best with a bunch of chemicals that are bad, of course but who am I to deny my kid a vaccine because some publication says that in the past 10 years they have discovered they are harmful. I am all about the holistic approach but I am also a balance between eastern and western medicine. No Polio is not here right now but who knows where it is lurking. Yes a Hep B shot the minute this little boy is born may not be neccessary but Hep B is around.

So yeah it is a lot to think about and I have very mixed feelings. Scott is not too mixed at all. But this is our kid together and we will come to a decision together. Bottom line, flu shots:NO
Shots that the kid will need to go to school: YES.
Vitamin K in a shot or liquid: UKNOWN

Other than that..this little one is growing because I know I gain close to 1/2 to 1 pound a week. How did Angelina Jolie only gain 25 pounds. I know I am small and used to ahve a 25 inch waist and now it is a wopping 38. i do not eat refined sugar except on occassion and I eat all organic food but I still think I will gain about 40 pounds. Whatever! I work out and take care of my body and hopefully, the weight will drip off.

So life is good and our parents and my friend Laurie is getting excited to buy baby clothes or boy baby clothes. This little on will never worry about lack of attention. Until the next time.

Spring cleaning

Well it may be late but at least it is getting done. We moved our home office to the 3rd floor and now we are making room for the little boy on the 2nd floor. I think we should have had it this way from the start because it looks great and it feels good too. All is well here in Philly. I have not written for a few days because it was over 100 degrees and I was just so tired. It was hard enough to carry my own body let alone peanut but we all managed. Work has been good.

I am working from home and they are transitioning a new girl into my position at the site where the condos are being built. I am still working on the project but at least I am not in that hot and dusty building. This is much better.

So I just want to say thank you to Stacy for sharing so much about her birth and bringing up her little AlEx. It sure makes things less scary.

We are also thinking about a doula and I am interviewing a woman next week. I am excited to be building such a strong team for the day we bring this little one into the world.

I have been stretching and exercising a lot and that makes my body feel so much better. When I just sit around that is when the back aches so bad.

Talk to you soon!

19 Week Belly Pic

Chiropractor/Adjustments and Pregnancy

Today I had my first adjustment during pregnancy. It was so amazing to talk to the doctor about being pregnant and getting adjusted. My one girlfriend swore by it and she had little to no problems with her pregnancy. He is one of the few doctors in this area that specialize in pregnancy and he and his wife reach it as well. It is very cool to not only care for my own health but the baby too. I know the body is all about energy and the spine-so why not treat my body to adjustments. The cool thing is that this baby has forced me to take a look at my own self care. I have become really good at taking care of myself and it makes me proud.

And to my mother in law-don't worry it won't hurt the baby.

I read a lot of blogs and there is always misery. At times I feel like I am one of the luckiest people in the world because my life is full of grace and happiness. It has not aways been filled with light but today it is and not just because of peanut. Scott came hoome from runing on Sunday and he said that while he was running, he asked himself what more in life does he want...then he told me that he has everything..a good wife who is his best friend, two great dogs and enough money to shop organic and at whole foods. So life is good. At times, when my life is good, I think well it is going to end soon but it hasn't and maybe I need to have a little more faith.

So I have to run because my MOM is coming over and I SO happy to see her. One thing about my mom..it stoinks when I don't talk to her everyday..it really stinks when I don't see her at least once a week because she is my soul mate..she is my mom.

As for my little sis, we are heading to NYC for the weekend in August. Massages, theatre, dinners, lunches, food, shopping and a nice hotel..now that is what my POPPOP would say is good living.

Family is just family but they are home.

And to my husband Scott, one of the greatest men I have ever met (except for POPPOP), I love you and thank you for always taking care of my heart.

Peanut is on the move...

Okay so we call this little one Peanut and yes Peanut is moving around so much. I think Peanut likes the night time and early morning. I think Peanut likes to sleep the rest of the day. I always feel Peanut early in the am especially when I am working out and then at night, usually an hour after dinner. Peanut also likes to give feedback to topics we are discussing or likes to jump around when I am listening to music or singing. Like Peanuts Daddy, this kid loves Doo Wop. So there it is and it is only 9 days until we find out what sex Peanut is. Scott won't tell me what he would like..he just say healthy.

As for us, I am so grateful that we are in the place we are in our relationship. He is my best friend and I could not imagine going through this experience with anyone but him. He is one of the most caring people that I have ever met. He truly is my best friend in the world.

Fears this week are to a minimum but it is easy to get lost in the what if's. What if the doggies are nutty around the baby? what id we have to move? what if we cannot afford our lives? what if we...and the list goes on and none of it is reality but it is scary. I am starting to ask my girlfriend, Stacy, things like..how long do you breast feed? And what stroller? all the common mommy asking questions.

So things are good on this end. I am happy to say that my eating is pretty much back to normal. Scott and i were joking last night that the first month we ate everything. Hormones can be a bitch. But now I just eat healthy so that Peanut has good healthy bones.

Well lots of love to anyone.

100 degrees and good air conditioning

Well it is the heart of the summer and I am so happy that I am only 4 months at this point because I am so hot already. I never do really well in the summer months to begin with but carrying around some extra weight and heat is a whole different story. Tired that is new new answer. But then I ask myself-tired??. I work out, I get enough sleep, I eat right but then I realize that I am pregnant. I see tons of women who do not look tired and I have come to the conclusion that those women do well in the summer months. I just want September to get here soon. Today it is going to be 100-105 on the heat index. Wow.
So our little puggies cannot make it too long outside for a walk.

Last night we went to Paradiso in South Philly with our favorite family to celebrate our favorite kid skipping a grade in his school. Yes, Dory and her family. So Gabriel, who loves Scott (my husband) asked if we could all go for a celebration dinner. It is amazing to see Scott with kids because he is just so natural. Also, I have made a commitment that we never go to Italian again because it is too good to resist. I never eat pasta or bread but hey if you put it in front of me..it is hopeless. So next dinner is Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Mexcican..Anything but Italian. The pain last night from eating tons of pasta with red sauce killed me and my stomach. Poor Scott was saying all night to me, with the heartburn which is 1000 times worse than prior to pregnancy, "Are you ok" and " Can I get you anything". A good burp came out and a cringe and then back to sleep. But what saved the day-my little favorite plum or paste, Umeboshi Plum:

http://home.iae.nl/users/lightnet/paramahamsa/umeboshi.htm

This amazing tool for health saved the day and this morning..well I do not feel so bad. Two plums and a few probiotics and I was good to go.

Today, taking it easy on the stomach. Fruit, kefir, miso, cultured veggies, lentil soup, salad and more Ume plums.

One more thing..I notice in pregnancy a tendency to forget how lucky I am and so today I am saying that I am lucky to have this wonderful life full of so much joy.

As for the baby, who we call peanut, we love you so much already. Peanut is definitely like Scott- loves Du wop and is always on the go.

Until my next post.

Ok..back to be grateful

I went to OBGYN today and all checked out great. Gaining 1 pound a week and my blood pressure was perfect and the heart beat was like music to my ears. I have been worried for the past week, ever since we got home from Mexico and I got sick. But I feel better now and I am back to being myself. It is real easy to get lost in the Internet horry stories of other women. It is a catch 22 because I love reading about other women's experiences but I also read about so many scary things that maybe I should limit my blog reading..uuuggghhhh.

Anyway, again all is good and just getting excited for the baby and well just life. I am learning to communicate better instead of holding in my fears or thoughts. So for today, I will communictae clearly.

Thanks to all the great women who have done this before me.

Also let me just say hello to our best buddies Jennifer and Brent!! We love you!

Thank you

Despite the fact that you may all see my next post from Fiji or the BVI, I want to say thank you to my mother in law, Wendy. She is the best cleaner, organizer, artist and grand mother to both Stan and Esther, the cutest Pugs in the world. Wendy stayed at our house while we were in Mexico and we came home to clean clothes, organized everything, artistic post-it-notes and two happy doggies who now cry, "grandma!!!".

Frustrated..

It has been a few days since I last wrote. We went to Mexico for 5 days and it was amazing. It was wonderful just to relax and remember why I got married in the first place..but today well that is another story. It is not Scott, it is that I do not feel good and have no energy for anything. It scares me that I will be like this with the baby...easy frustrated..just like I get with my dogs. Today I feel like crying and screaming at the same time and running away to Fiji to live alone on an island with nobody else. Today I feel like I just cannot handle things or emotions or myself. Scott told me he was going running at 6 pm and I wanted to strangle him. Why do I feel this way? Could it be hormones? Because last night I cried at every movie and today I am so pissed off. I feel today, as I have before during this pregnancy, that this is not my life anymore. I feel like I do not have any right or decsions. I feel like I can't breathe. I felt this way about 2 months ago. It must be hormones but for now..breathing and thinking good thoughts is not helping. I can even feel the tears now but then why do I not want to reach out to anyone? Why do I want to be alone? Why do I want to get in the car and drive to the shore and just look at the ocean?

Today I need a boat, some scuba gear, some clothes, suntan lotion and a good crew and then I can go away. Maybe Friday will be better.

It has been a few days...

I have not gotten into my blog schedule since I have been home. Things are good and I have come to a lot of conclusions about myself and work.

1. I will never work for a company again.
2. Companies like to play the blame game and never really accomplish anything.
3. I will always work for myself.
4. I can never be behind a desk
5. Companies are just about the bottom line.
6. Bosses always yell at someone.


Okay so these are a few truths. I have worked for this company for three months and I am more stressed than I was doing deals. I have not liked it and it seems that it is going to end anyway. They hired me for a certain position and I cannot fill that anymore because the construction site/asbestos removal/dust site I was working on. Well they need to hire someone else and I am going to leave in September. One thing I have learned is that everything in life happens for a reason. I did not like working there and so I know that an angel did for me what I could simply not do for myself.

So what will the future bring: babies, energy work/healing and nutrition school. The path will be right in front of me and I am excited. I feel clean about this because I know this is what is supposed to happen. This was a bridge and I am thankful for it and ready to go.

As for the baby, he/she feels the same. Things are good with us. Sleep is better. Health if great and we are off to Mexico in two days. This could not have been more of a gift to me.

Enjoy and love to all of you.

PS. Thanks Dory for the laughs, the real talks and all that other good healing.

Home?? Work??

As I am sure all of you know, I am working from home. The building I was working in is a full construction site. Between the dust, asbestos removal and just basic construction, it was even too much for me. Now I am the kid who skateboards with no helmet but I was not comfortable. It is easy not to think there is a little baby in there when you are not fat and house-like and can't catch your breath. But now, a belly, tough time breathing and so tired with the heat..Oh Boy, I am prego. So with that, I am home working here which is strange because I do the same amount of work but I feel guilty. Most people would be happy-not working too many hours and getting paid the same..me I do not feel right. But it is what it is and I have made Scott;s life tough enough with the attitude that I am going to let it go and move on. This brings me to another topic-pregnancy and sensitivity. Okay, I am sensitive to everything. Say one thing to me and it feels like the world is crashing down. Okay. Stop. Breathe and realize that you are pregnant and sensitive to begin with. Does this mean that I am nutty, NO!! It means that I do not want to hear drama. I can't take it. So a truth for woman: hormones stink!

Another pregnancy truth-chew gum to help with the heartburn. Another truth-your tummy and boobs are so hot but the rest of your body ios cool. Wear a sweatshirt/long sleeve and then let your tummy and boobs hang out. It looks funny but it works. Also, when sleeping..switch sides because it seems when I sleep on the left too much-well I pee all night. Also, don't get near your husband/partner because he will start to sweat from your heat. Drink tons of water and eat lots of watermelon but not before bed because I had to pee 12 times last night. Another truth-the back of your arms will start to look like you are 90. Again, your things will rub and your will have a large pimple somewhere on your face/back at all times. People will also tell you that you are cute or maybe this is me because I am short. They will also touch your belly and say..aaahhhh.

So onto my buddies who keep me sane. Thanks Stacy S for all your help, love and support. You have always been there for me.

Okay..gotta run.

Father's Day at the beach-Scott's family

We had a wonderful time. I enjoyed myself so much. The food was great, the sun was wonderful and Scott's family was a lot of fun. I just love talking to his step-mom's family. The bubbi is truly a special woman. here are some pics from that day. It is amazing to be able to show up with family and be myself. I realized it is because I have a network of amazing woman in my life who help me walk through any situation with grace. it is not that they are not painful..but I get to leave the garbage in the can. So as for me..it was great. A good learning experience.

Here are some pictures.

Father's Day at Jones

So my family and I went to Jone's for Father's Day brunch. Here is a pic of us..

Scott and Jeremy are missing in action.

13 1//2 weeks Pic

Sorry I have been lax on the Pics. This was a few days ago...

Jeremy's Graduation Pics

He is so grown up and handsome!

OH SHIT, my thighs are rubbing.

Ok so Monday am I cried fro two hours about my thighs rubbing together. I have never felt this in my life and to work out 4 times a week, eat well..but still get fat. So the trama ended when I just realized that it is what it is. But rubbing of the thighs? I thought I would get a big tummy but stay the same everywhere else and let me say that this is not the case. I am BIG! I eat whole foods, protein and chocolate every four days or every two days when I am feeling bad. This week I have been sicka nd run down. I need a break at work. I am working 6 days a week and last week threw an event and I still have not recovered. So I am running on empty and tomorrow is father's day. Oh Boy. Let me just say it will be interesting. I do not have to get into specifics but some stuff happened and I have not seen a few of my in laws in a while and it will be strange. But I have been through starnger times. I am excited to go and see Scott's family-they are really great people. Aunt's, uncle's, bubbies, parents, bubies and all will be at the shore. BBQ and it will be in the 90's. Oh BOY!

As for my folks, brunch at Jone's this am. We had a blast. It has taken my family a long time to be with each other with ease and we are finally there. We all just ahve a great time together and I know a lot has to do with Scott. My family changed when he came into my life. Thank you honey. I changed. Again, thank you. I love you.

So people are starting to ask about my birth plan. Interesting and crazy. It is starnge because a few months ago I was so grossed out by the thought of giving birth but now..as I get bigger..I feel the felling.."COME OUT!!" I knwo why women just go into delivery and have no shame because at that point you just want the baby out.

Last night we went out to dinner at Avanti's in Pennington, NJ and it was amazing. I have not said that for a long time but it was so good. I has tilapia and pasta. Scott had chicken and pasta. Our friends, Dory and David had pasta and tilapia as well. I was impressed. Dinner was great. We laughed and on the way home we sang together. My new favorite music is oldies and so I know this baby is ALL Scott with the music. Loves Frank Sinatra too!

So I also have to thank my girlfriend Stacey for making me feel that it is ok to put on weight and she assured me that at 5 months it will all move to my belly. Right now the body is just storing up for the next few months..but rubbing thighs?

So that is my new book, Rubbing Thighs: a documentry by Rachel F.

Lots of love today!

HELLO!!

I just wanted to catch up since it has been a few days. Lets me first say thank you to Dory for just being her and being in my life as the BEST accupuncturist in the US. She is truly wonderful.

And thanks to my mom for always being so loving.

Now on the the other stuff. I read a number of blogs about pregnancy and I follow a few where pregnancy has not been easy. A girl who was 10 weeks pregnant just lost her baby and this is the fifth loss. I realize how lucky we were considering we tried for one day. It is amazing when you get out of yourself enough to see Grace.

Bad night last night-ate at Stewarts then ate a big cookie..then got aick 3 times. I vowed today no more sugar. It makes me mean and fiesty, as Scott told me the other night. Just a lot of fruit and natural sugars.

Today for lunch: salad with carrot ginger salad dressing, beets, dandelion and hemp seeds.

Carrot ginger dressing: carrots(boiled) then food proccess them with orange juice, miso, ginger, garlic, sesame oil and walnut oil (or another oil like safflower). Yummy!!

Snack: Kefir and cherries.

Okay enough for today. Just be gratfeul today!

today..

Today Dory and Gabriel came over to play with the doggies and it was so much fun. Let me just say that they brought me strawberries, asparagus, peaches and cherries. Yummy!

So thank you Dory and Gabriel!

I am so tired today and feeling annoyed. I think it is because it is so nice and he I am sitting on the 6th floor of a vacant building with nobody but myself. When I began this job, I thought I would be working with people but that is not the case. Again, I just need to remember that I have five more months max. I may even check out in mid October. All is good and I am still grateful..I just like to work with people and not alone. Work is only a four letter word..lol
Lunch: Tempeh, greens, millet/lentil cake, Dal, and salad

Snack: Finishing lunch and a bluebbery muffin.

I brough the cherries but I will save them for tomorrow.

Until next time!

The early days

DPO (Days Past Ovulation)

I took this from a journal that I had started before the blog.

5dpo-relaxed and boobs big
6dpo-extreme smell
7dpo-zits on forehead and back
11dpo-hungry and craving sweets
12dpo-extreme cramping-left side to where I cannot stand up straight
13dpo-nausea and cramping on left side
14dpo-bitchy and so tired
14-17dpo-numb upper lip and metal taste in the mouth, lots of zite on my back
15po-tired and lower back pain
16dpo-tired
17dpo-tired and pain in left hip/leg-boobs hurt to touch/big
18dpo-boobs hot and swollen-waking up to pee in the middle of the night
21dpo-not feeling great.

4/16/06-told my parents
4/20/06-tons of cravings
4/21/06-whole family knows-secret did not last too long-we were not going to say anything till 3 months-yeah right.
4/22/06-5th or 6th week-boobs hurt, stomach bloated, nausea is getting bad but not throwing up-tons of water, dandelion tea-no short term memory-wake up at 12 am every night and then 3 am and then 6 am.
4/26/06-6 weeks 2 days-Scott's dad told everyone..lol..sleeping better at night-saw OBGYN-all good.glowing
4/27/06-cravings balck beans and walnuts
4/28/06-ate a burrito from el fuego-sleeping is tough because I am so hot.
4/29/06-burritos, garlic and still wearing the same jeans
05/01/06-mexican, pizza-yummy and big boobs.
05/02/06-ssoooooooooo tired.
05/03/06-moody, first day at new job.peanuts yummy!. woke at 12 am again. taking magnesium pills to help things flow.
05/04/06-apples, yogurt, nuts. fingers swollen.
05/07/06-little belly-do not fit into my jeans, yummy soy crisps, need more fiber. scott put on 10 lbs.-scott is running the broad street run today.
05/11/06-no energy
05/14/06-mother'sa day race-last year he proposed..this year wedding and baby

It has been a while..

So it has been a few days since I last posted. I have been busy and I was sick for a few days..nothing big just not feeling great. I am better now and feeling good. I have been doing a lot of walking and going to the gym about 3-4 times a week. I have to start Yoga soon and get this body stretching. But everything is just flowing. Scott has been doing great. Business is good for him and so that makes him feel good. I have been working hard to not take things personal at work and it seems to be working. I am able to be objective-this is a concept that I have always wanted to live by and now I am-at least part of the time.

So for my family-My bother graduated and I am so proud of him and he has become such a great man. He was always an amazing kid but now he is a man. Good Job to my parents!

Today I went and got a pedicure, and eye brow wax and bought some make-up. Ah, the good life. It is so nice to treat myself which is something that I have learned duing this pregnancy.

As for my belly-I guess because I am small, my belly just shows more because you would think I was 5 months pregnant. But I am eating well and going to the gym, so there is nothing I can do..it is what it is..

As for life, just remember that everything we need is right in front of us.

As for my favorite topic: FOOD!!!

Breakfast: Watermelon!!

Lunch today: tofu, blanched greens, millet cake, black bean salad, a spelt bluebbery bar, and peppermint tea with honey.

snack: almonds

YUMMY!!

Very lucky

Just wanted to say that I could not be luckier. Pregnant and happy with where my life is today. I often think about the times in my life where I have not been happy and I know that it was my perspective that was in my way. I have been so fortunate to live on both side of the coin-the one where I thought that I did not have enough and the one where everything I need is in front of me.

Today I am learning to just let go and let it be, for the sake of me and for the sake of the baby. This baby has forced me to look at life differently and appreciate the very things that once scared me. So today, stop and look around at what you do have and not what you WANT!

As for food, I love V-8 juice. Lunch was great as usual and I made a ginger carrot miso dressing that was die for.

Again thnk you to my husband, who has helped me to see the glass 1/2 full always.

Yummy-protein pregnancy shake

Meal Shake
This smoothie is a full of protein, vitamins, and minerals.

1 cup milk (nondairy) or kefir
1/4 cup juice (apple, pineapple, etc.)
1 cup fresh or frozen berries (strawberries, blueberries, etc.)
1 tablespoon flax
1 tablespoon hemp seed
1 teaspoon flaxseed oil
1/4 teaspoon spirulina powder

Place blender and grind to powder. Add remaining ingredients and puree until smooth.

Makes 2 servings

This is my version of Cathe Olson's, but she is the author of “Simply Natural Baby Food” and “The Vegetarian Mother’s Cookbook: Whole foods to nourish pregnant and breastfeeding women – and their families.” For more information or to order a book, visit www.simplynaturalbooks.com.

Updating the food list-

can't even look at peanut butter
can't event look at a Humentachen
Love Vietnemese Vegetable Hot and Sour Soup-Nam Phuong-New Favorite
Love Watermelon
Love Pineapple
Love Strawberries
Need Anything cold and light
Love Wheatgrass shots

Lunch today-From Essenne -salad, kale, tofu with curry, and egg frittata with broccoli.

Yummy! I also have an organic fugi apple sitting here next to me waiting for me to eat it. It is strange how my entire life is now about food. But good food none the less.

On another note, ever since I got pregnant I am so in tune to people and thier bahaviors. Isn't interesting when we are plaqued with people who are so self serving. I have wondered my whole life if they are happy or if they even know that they are this way. They just seem to go through life only thinking of themselves. Interesting huh. I am so lucky to have good people in my life.

As for my sister-I know it will all work out with life-never stop seeing the stars! I love you.

As for the women who I love- Kathy, Joy, Lauren, Dory, Andrea, and Bari-thanks for being there and always being selfless.

Today-PAY IT FORWARD!

Chillin in Mexico-

I decided to put this one up because it is raining today and does not plan to stop so this is my way of bringing a nice tan and the SUN to the moment.

Not enough time in the day..

Time is moving fast. Work has been busier and I think I have made it a positive change in my life so I am pro-active. Needless to say..it is much better. I told Erin who I work with because she is the one who I see everyday, unless she is at corporate that day. She is a very sweet and nice girl and it is a pleasure working with her because she makes me laugh..or she laughs at my jokes. It is fun especially that we have no AC right now and so we joke about that and the time we had no running water or bathrooms but it is a construction site. Anyway, it is fine and really I have 5 more months of working at that location. I would like to step back in early November and then nest for a solid month. Scott and I are good as usual. When we got married, it actually felt like things went back to normal so it just is something that I do not even think about. But this morning I did look at my wedding dress and boy is it stunning and so was I that day. hehehehehehehehe

My brother is graduating school this week and then off to Johns Hopkins. He is very smart and I am very excited for him. My sister came over the other night and it was fun to see her and her friend. She lived in NY but it feels like she is here since driving two hours have never been a big deal to her. And to my sister-I hope the whole world is not jaded!! Just when you least expect it..there it is.

We went out with Erik and Lauren the other night to the Phillies game and had such a great time. Not only do we love Erik but we love Lauren (the best dog walker in town). So there it is..just hanging with friends, living life and enjoying it as much as I can. I am very lucky to have the people in my life that have hearts of gold and are my true friends. For example, last night I went with Lauren to get an AC unit for her house-first Walmart--uugghhh then Home Depot and we found one-8,000 BTU. Now that is true friendship because I did not think twice about not being there with her to help.

So have a good day and think about the people in your life. Do you stop to call them just to say hi? Or do you think about calling but you never do?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Typical lunch

Scott wanted to take a picture of my typical lunch: Mush!
Veggie burger, beets, peas and other stuff!

11 weeks

My brain started to work again

Let me just start by saying thank you to my enery worker, Andrea!

With that being said, I just finished lunch: Brasied Tempeh, Kale, a Millet Cake, Curried Veggies and a whole lot of yummy. Thanks Essenne!!

I met a friend this morning for breakfast at MugShots in Fairmount and I found my new love: Strawberry, Blueberry, Soy Milk and Spriulina Belnded into a smoothie. And I ate a hemp seed bar with tons of good stuff in there too! I forgot to say that yesterday I ate 50 Hershey kisses and three pieces of Chic's Pizza from the freezer. Andrea told me that my every three day chocolate binge probably has to do with the Serotonin. It is strange because I never used to crave it. This may explain the fiur zits on my face-which since I am in real estate, look like a shopping center and 3 high rise condominiums are being built in my face.

It was a tough week for me-new job stuff and not setting the correct boundaries for myself etc. All good work though because I moved past it and now I have grown.

So everyone says I carry in the front and from behind i look no different. Well they shoudl try and sleep with these boobs and this tummy and then they will see big. To me I look like a whale and I know that this is nothing yet!!

So all is good and my brain has started to work again which means that I can actually think. It was tough the past month-crying, angry, emotional, tired, no memory and not sleeping well. But it appears to be balancing right now. Good! I would really like to get back in the gym consistently. Especially with everything I eat.

On to a subject that I love, FOOD! All the food I love:

Beets
Apples
Salad,
Salsa
Eggs
French Meadows Rye Yeast Free Toast
Kefir
Soy milk
Tempeh
Cabbage
Peanut Butter
Soy crisps
Humentachen-Poppy Seed from the Famous
Pizza-no cheese
Maoz-Falafel place on South Street
Rita's water ice-chocolate
oranges (but they do not agree with me)
cabbage-
cultured veggies
Anything from Essenne.
Coconut Water
All fruit

Ok so that is enough about my foods for this day.

10 1/2 weeks and Feeling Better

Hello fellow readers,

I am feeling a lot better today. I started taking a natural whole food prenatal vitamin and I feel so good. I have energy, I digested easily today and I just feel better. I was warned that the ones the doctor gives you can be a little harsh on the body and may not have all the nutirnts that I need to keep going. My hands have been so puffy, which I was told my my herbalist that pregnancy is one of the most acxidic states for the PH levels. So that is why I think the whole food vitamin with all of those good greens seems to help. Who Knows!!

I have been nervous to tell my employer because I have only been here one month but what am I do to. It has been hard being at a new jobs with hormones clogging my thoughts and no energy...but again..I can only do my best.

I had to laugh this monring because another pair of pants moved into the pre-pregnancy closet. Another one bites the dust.

Today's lunch and Scott took a picture so I will have to post it later. I cooked it all in oner pan-veggie burger, beets, black beans, mexican tortilla soup that I made last night, peas and salad.

I seem to crave mush as I always have like things easy to eat but it is almost like I want baby food. Tonight I am going to make some potatoes for lunch and mashes cauliflower. YUMMY!!

So life is good and I have been just relaxing in my own body for the most part.

PS Thanks to my sister for a great conversation this am. I am jealous today because she was taking a little girl to the Central Park Zoo for work.. Take me!!

The Big Race-10k

Morning. Well we did not go to Chic's instead we went to the Original stewart's in Trenton. I ate a fries, onion rings, orange drink and then Carvel ice cream. It was wonderful and it perked up my energy again. I do not want to eat meat a lot but I have been craving it for some reason and I have been taught that I should listen to my body. It was a lot of fun. We ate in the car and I got to hear about Scott's stories when he was younger and hanging out there. I do have to say that Trenton makes great food. He told me that the generations that have lived there keep running the same dining/restaurants day in and day out. We do not have that in Philly except for South Philly.

And I do like the once a week treat (otherwise I eat everything).

Here are two pictures from Scott's race on Sunday.

9 weeks 3 days

Well I know this tummy is not all baby because some woman's bodies bloat early to protect the baby during the developing stage. I am trying to document the photos not only for me but for anyone that is interested.

Under the weather

Well I have had a tough time sleeping with week. I am taking Magnesium (Thanks Dory) and that seems to help but still the sleep is not good. I am sure this will give me some insight into the rest of my life. Stan wok up last night twice the throw up and of course I joked that he was showing us our soon to be reality. So there it is for today and tonight Scott and I are going to Chic's. We decided that it would be good for us to have one treat day and the rest of the days we eat well. Of course this do not include my every three day chocolate binge.

But what do I love-tons of fruit and tons of kefir.

Showing Already..

Ok..Well who knows if I am really showing or if I am just bloated but either way I do not fit into my clothes. I can still fit into some of my pants comfortably (the ones that are stretch). So the past few days all I want is red pasta sauce and carbs. I had one chocolate craving which seems to happen every three days and the other day it was M & M's and Hershey's Milk Chocolate. I should take a trip to Hershey's and get all of the chocolate that I want. Yummy!!

As for other foods, I am in love with eggs, salsa and toast but I have to be careful eating two eggs a day. Another one of my loves is OJ and oranges and anything that tastes like orange.

Scott has been an angel as usual. He cleans, cooks and shops. He is also my rock-because he stays calm and understanding through all my emotions. He asked me about the Blog and I told him to read it but he said, "I live it!"

A special thanks to Dory who has been an amazing blessing in my life because she has the softest touch with acupuncture needles and her kindness in general.

Also a special thanks to the woman in the maternity store that helps me to realize that my body is doing exactly what it needs to do.

Also, thanks to Joy for being such a great woman and friend.

Another quick thing: we decided to go to another OB. My OBGYN, I found out is a nurse practitioner and she does not deliver babies but her husband does. After thinking about it for a month. We have decided to go to Dr. Brest because we want to know the Dr. who is going to deliver the baby. I loved my OBGYN but this day is s very special day and for us we need to know that we are comfortable with the doctor and that we trust him or her. We feel this is the best for us!

We will meet Dr. Brest, who delivered Scott's cousins, and we see him on June 5th. I will keep you posted.

One more pic..the baby!!

This was the ultrasound on May 15th. That was the most amazing experience of our lives.

My sister (Julia) and I at the Phillies

We were at the Phillies game in our box just enjoying being us! See my pink cap!!

Mother's Day-my mom and then my sister/brother

The Pugs-Stan & Esther in the park

Both Scott and I and Stan and Esther want to send a special thanks to our dog walker, who has made our life so much easier! We love you Lauren.

Belly at 7 weeks

scott and Rachel in Mexico

This was me before I even knew!!!


This was us one night just enjoying each other.

Checking in...

I cannot tell you how tired I am today but I am learning that I just need to keep going and it will pass. It is so exciting to be feeling this little baby inside of me growing. And speaking of growing, I am growing out of my pants. I already passed fitting into my jeans almost two weeks ago. I woke up one morning and my belly was big but I am sure this will not compare to later months.

Our friend Miriam has a little baby boy and so we want to wish her the best and we know she is going to be a great mom.

I don't have much to say except my belly is big, I had to buy a few new bras, and I am craving pizza again. Actually, Scott went to Chics today but I passed because then it is not as good when you eat it all of the time. I think we are going on Sunday-YUMMY anchovies!!

Another day and bigger hips..

Just checking in with the blog. So the last few days I have been so tired. Scott even has left me on the couch asleep out of fear that if he wakes me I will not go back to sleep (and yes, this fear is accurate). Yesterday we had our first ultrasound and it was amazing. The baby's heartbeat was 162 and almost 2.5 cm and had little nubs for hands and feet. I knew this baby was a product of Scott and I because (IT) was moving around so much. The heartbeat was the most amazing thing that I have ever experienced in my life.

As usual, Scott made a lot of funny jokes and he had the woman doing the ultrasound was laughing. Then we celerated at The Famous and boy did I eat some stuff that even grossed me out. Okay so here it is and beware to all woman that have never been pregnant.

My meal was: Cabbage soup, then I made an egg sandwich on rye with eggs, french fries, potato salad, pickles, ketchup and mustard.

Then I ate two cookies and two more cookies over the course of the day. No wonder I felt sick! As far as being pregnant, there is not book that can prepare you for this. But today I was in Strabucks and I was talking to this woman who just had a baby and she said the same..no book can explain this. She also told me to just hold onto my 4th or 5th month when my belly is full and I have some energy back..then she told me of course I will lose it the last month but by then, it will be so close that I will just want to nest.

Talk to you soon!

MOTHER'S DAY

So it is Mother's Day and last year on the day Scott proposed and this year..Well as we all know I am pregnant, 9 weeks pregnant to be exact. Scott is running in the Kormen Race for the cure 5K and it is a great race because there are so many positive people there raising money and just having a good time. I am excited to be there to support Scott, do my job, which is taking pictures, and cheer. Yes I am officially a running cheer girl!! LOL.

So I enjoyed my night last night. The days that I totally let go and just trust my body, the baby and this process..I glide. Scott also says that the days I see my mom and let go are great days for me no matter what.

My new craving is peanut butter on toast. I have learned that anytime I hear someone say a food that they have eaten or I see a commercial or I see a restaurant..Well that is the food I crave. Scott told me that he sate peanut butter and then our friend said that he ate peanut butter and then well..Me and the baby NEEDED peanut butter. Then I had popcorn with Bragg's and no this did not start with pregnancy-I was this strange before..Braggs is like a sweeter soy sauce-helps with my need for the taste to be acidic. I also have this new love for orange juice and oranges. But the juice is the best! I could drink gallons of it and I think I am going to make slushies too!

So what else is happening with us..work was good yesterday-I just started working for a new company and they will not find out about the little package for another three weeks. We have an ultrasound on Monday and I think I am excited and scared at the same time (this is a common emotion during my pregnancy) and yes I know that I just said two emotions but I have made up a new emotion, EXCITEDSCARED! I am sure everyone knows this feeling similar to TICKLESCRATCH!

Well I have to get going because Scott is running and we have to leave by 7:25 am and then we are off to the Mom's today. Lots of love to anyone that is reading this and we will talk to you on Monday.

Breakfast with Mom

So mom and I had breakfast at Jone's this morning. And I have to say that I always loves my mom's company but especially during this time when I feel like she is the only one that really knows how I am feeling. I am so comforted by her words and I look forward to the times when she and I just share pregnancy truths. Yes it is true that your teeth and gums will hurt, yes it is true that you will want salt then sugar then who knows what, yes it is true that you will have no patience, yes it is true that your boobs will always hurt and yes it is true that you will feel slightly irritable 24 hours a day especially when you go to put on clothes and they do not fit or look right. Everyone says, of it is wonderful that they don't fit because the baby is growing but nobody seems to understand, the uterus is only the size of a grapefruit and the only thing that is growing is my ability to eat constantly. Yes, I may be poking fun but it is an amazing experience. It is just amazing that every moment of the day-there is not just me-there are two if us and one of us needs ME to make vital organs. Great thing I learned today is that when you work out and you are pregnant, the body does not raise in temp. Because it protects the baby. Now that is amazing to me because my body just knows what to do to take care of this little baby inside of me growing.

Well I am sure my husband's family will appreciate that I ate a Chic's Pie last night in the Burg. Yummy- a whole small pizza for me with double tomato, garlic, broccoli, onions and anchovies. The anchovies were the best part and of course Scott told her that I was pregnant. Hey, he is right about the anchovies (because I would not typically order that). Nobody told me that all I would think about it FOOD! I cannot get enough of salsa, ketchup, or hot sauce. Maybe because the first two weeks that this baby was growing we were in Mexico and about the ketchup-well my mom, his mom and both of us just love ketchup.

So there it is for my day and now I am at work on thr 6th floor of the Ayer just enjoying the view and my day. It is hard to keep things in perspective and just know that everything is happening exactly the way it should. Until the next time I log in..Have a great day!

Almost 9 weeks

Okay well it is another day and I am feeling better. The pollen is so bad and finally I called my doctor and broke down and took Zyrtec..the nasal sprays were not working and I think, Scott, my husband were probable loose his mind if I did not take anything. Sometimes it is so hard not to complain because I do not feel good and I am used to feeling pretty energetic. But I do have to remember as my eyebrow waxing queen, Natasha at 800 West, told me this morning.."Of course you are tired, you are making vital organs". Now Natasha is Russian and she just seems to make sense out of stuff. So she brightened my day and of course a good cry in the car helped as well.

Scott has been an angel. He cleans, cooks and pretty much does everything. I am a lucky woman and I am honored to be having a baby with such an amazing man.

As for me, I think I am pretty Kool myself.

Until the next time!

Feeling Better

So is is another day and I am feeling better. It is interesting to be a woman who has lived by controlling so much in my life and this, well I have no control over anything. IN am learning to reach out more to my family and my husband because my emotions are so strong. Well I am feeling good today and I am staying away from that crazy scale. LOL.

May 9th-8 weeks 1 day

This pregnancy for me has been one of the most interesting and exciting experiences in my whole life. I have no control of what this little baby needs inside of me but my body knows exactly what to do. My boobs are big and my hips and tummy have grown and I do not fit into my nice suits anymore but Life is good.

We are so excited for the baby and the Due Date is December 18-20th. But we will see when this baby feels like saying hello to the world. If this baby is anything like us-well then I think he or she will want to get out as soon as possible to plan his or her life. LOL

As for now, I cannot stop thinking about Mexican food, yogurt, almonds and walnuts and dark chocolate. Maybe this is why I have gained weight. LOL.